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For David James

This hapless language purist makes a full and frank confession:
I hate some modern usages with something like obsession.

I’ll list the worst offenders, reader, with your kind permission.
Could my preoccupation be a medical condition?

My correspondents will insist on ‘reaching out’ in writing.
A simple ‘contact’ would suffice; their arms are not inviting.

Salt’s ‘granular’ analysis is rightly microscopic;
but ‘detailed’ is the word to use on any other topic.

‘Let’s take this off-line.’ Chairman, please, my blood and bile are heating;
let us ‘postpone’ the argument until another meeting.

Our English — noble, patient beast — is scarred but not diminished
by solecisms such as these. And no, I haven’t finished:

‘deep dive’ and ‘drilling down’ are phrases we should drown and bury,
and never say ‘incredibly’ when what we mean is ‘very’.